tinggal

i have lack of consistency in everything... that's a weakness.. but my strength is "i am not a problem developer among my kesayangan"... thing that you could be seen in proper talk may help you avoid with the title of 'problem developer among kesayangan'... hmmm... quite a long time that i never make some updates here... because the weakness was there... i mean, 'lack of consistency to keep updating the bajusemalam'... naahhh.. actually that wasn't my really point in my few seconds ago anyway... some say to me, "you own too much of pleasure"... then i added a cruel words in that statement, "but myself only own a stupid envy with those pleasure you had".... actually the added words i created is only for my relief since i can't stand anymore in certain part of things.. bad revenge from my very surroundings... what the hell yuck...

i am a winner but i am not at the first place of winner... i just made this conclusion since i did own research bout my all achievements... i could be a winner.. but i only could be at the second place of those wins... when i was kid, i love to join a drawing competition.. but i always be a second winner.. the first place to me was so rarely... yeah, rarely.. means, i could only reach that first when i'm the only one being so competent with what i tend to achieve... hmmm... why you love to be a first place winner?? because you are creating a new hope to life... by putting a high expectation on yourself, it won't bring you a word of succeed if you lay the stupid wasting onto it... so, i just want to be a winner without worrying which place that i will get.. i am ordinary and i am not the best but i am still a winner.. that's it..

in few months back, i often said "put me out of misery".... and now, yes life is so miserable... indeed...