satu malam

this is night no more..already morning..mom will scold me afterwards once she noticed that i'm yet sleep and keep sitting front of this monitor...sometimes i juz heard the door is slamming...dunno where it is come from..hhmmm...then i juz get thinking and remembering the moment when i was in school-hood...still missing those things...i used to can't stop myself being hunger of wicked..i used to play truant the school...not truant the class..but the school...but i was a prefect student....i was dumb maybe...it's indeed of worthless..because when now i get thinking about those bad deed, i am such a fool...i can't heal the fate..means my fate for now..then the word that i always use nowadays is 'if'...if i could change myself since in my school-hood...if i'd be able to think my future life clearly since in beginning... if i'm not that kind of loss person..yeah...if i force myself to study and be a good one for parents...because they are actually suppose no to be fraud...hence i am lost...lost in everything...when people surround me proud with their good yield in study...owh girl...u are none of succeed...being lost when they are almost done their journey...but me still waiting for...waiting for...what kind of waiting it is...blame myself..i cant stand this humiliation anymore...so when gonna try to be the new one...i try to keep hanging on my life...do change maybe...hhmm....i sudden in tears..lots of terrific of my own vice....my own stupid mind...this is such a suicide...then get back alive by holding new fate of life...astaghfirullah....hhmmm....it's 4 in the morning...i am start hungry...so maybe i should napping myself when i'm started starving...anyway...mom, i do love u..really...indeed...

.....fullstop....